The mental torture that is riding the bus.

I am waiting at the bus stop having finished my shift from work. Now the bus is already 20 mins late and i've been on my feet all day so i'm not in the best of moods. The bus arrives and aswel as me getting on there is a huge group of old people. We all clamber to the side of the pavement to flag it down and as it approaches I realise with a sinking feeling that its rammed.
Being a seasoned public transport user I know the rules of bus travel and even though the bus has pulled up at my feet I skillully move myself to the back of the queue, as there is no way i'm getting on and sitting down only to immediately get up to give an older person my seat. However a lady in front has appointed herself leader of the bus users, and even though she is definitely in her seventies she ushers me and everybody else on presumably because she thinks we will all need assistance. I am somewhat bemused and affronted by this as she isn't even a regular bus user, if anybody is going to be in charge of getting people on the bus its me, the bus drivers know me.
As I am getting on the bus I am mildly panicking that I will have to stand and usher her past me to available seats but fortunately the seat right behind the driver is free so I squeeze myself in overjoyed that I have a seat. The joy however does not last long, everytime the bus stops I brace myself with the prospect of getting up to give my seat away, and never knowing the appropriate time to do this and what is the age of the person that you legitimately offer the seat to as I don't want to cause offence by assuming someone is old and it turns out they're only 40.
After about twenty minutes a new world of hell is unleashed when I realise there is no button to stop the bus anywhere near me. In order to stop the bus I will have to walk to the middle of the bus passing many people who I am sure would think I was crazy. Across from me is the disabled space and there is a button there, hurray you think. No. This button is green while the other stop buttons are red. I am confused as to whether it is a stop button or a button for emergencies or something. This now makes pressing any button practically impossible, if the green button is a stop button then if I walk to the middle of the bus people will think 'why has she come all this way to press this button there is one in the disabled space.' But if the green button is for emergencies then i've pressed it and everyone thinks 'what an idiot, that button is for emergencies.' And who knows what that button does, what if I accidentally send for an ambulance.
So there is nothing to be done i'm going to have to go old school and just ask the driver to stop when its my stop. Another nightmare as i'm not a big talker on the bus especially once i've bought my ticket. When is the appropriate time to ask the driver? and how close do I need to be to him should I stand? My stop is next so I am out of time, I stand up and lean over, the words are just about to leave my mouth when I hear a ding and the light flashes 'stopping'. Someone else is also getting off at my stop and has pressed the button, crisis averted.
The sooner I pass my driving test the better, I cant live like this much longer.

Chris Evans V Chris Evans

Having recently seen the film What's your Number? I was reintroduced to the actor Chris Evans, he comes across very lovable in the film and being the pathetic girl I am I instantly started picturing what our relationship would be like, (it would definitely be awesome). However he is not the only famous Chris Evans out there, and I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket and deny myself the chance with Chris Evans the television presenter and radio dj.

So I did the sensible thing and made some lists,

Chris Evans the actor:

Pros

• Has good comedic timing so he's probably funny.
• Seems like a nice person.
• Very attractive.
• Not afraid of hard work (a body like that does not fall out of the sky).
• Seems friendly.
• Would laugh at my jokes, even if only to be polite.
• He was in the Fantastic four: Rise of the silver surfer
• He probably has a really nice house.

Cons

• Lives very far away from me.
• In America I would get heat rash as its too hot.
• People would think I was only in it for the money.
• I would have to look good all the time.
• He would always be surrounded by beautiful women.
• I would look ugly in comparison to him.
• He is waaaay out of my league.

Chris Evans the presenter:

Pros

• He lives locally.
• Considered to be funny.
• We have similar interests.
• I would get to look around the One show studio.
• He knows how to cook.
• I might be considered the better looking person in the couple.
• Much higher chance of me meeting Billie Piper.

Cons

• I would definitely be considered a gold digger.
• He is older than me.
• He's already married.
• I can find him very annoying.
• He works on a Sunday morning so we couldn't go out Saturday night.
• Would probably end up in  prison for cutting him with a machete. 

Well if you treat it as a numbers game Chris Evans actor has more cons, who would have seen that coming.